Monday

Kate McCann's Christmas message to Gonçalo Amaral



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On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me
A pair of his surgical gloves.

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two sniffer dogs,
And a soft pink Cuddlecat toy.

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three naughty children,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a patsy called Robert Murat.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four forensic manuals,
Three two sleepy kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a silver Renault hirecar.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five dirty nappies!
Four forensic manuals,
Three two naughty kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a trip to the Vatican.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six cops a-prying,
Five dirty nappies!
Four forensic manuals,
Three two naughty kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a key to the nearby church.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven friends a-lying,
Six cops a-prying,
Five dirty nappies!
Four forensic manuals,
Three two naughty kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a pair of cadavar scented pants.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight steaks a-rotting,
Seven friends a-lying,
Six cops a-prying,
Five dirty nappies!
Four forensic manuals,
Three two naughty kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And some good quality yellow wristbands.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine squashed mosquitoes,
Eight steaks a-rotting,
Seven friends a-lying,
Six cops a-prying,
Five dirty nappies!
Four forensic manuals,
Three two naughty kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a voucher to fix my highlights.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten bottles of cilit bang,
Nine squashed mosquitoes,
Eight steaks a-rotting,
Seven friends a-lying,
Six cops a-prying,
Five dirty nappies!
Four forensic manuals,
Three two naughty kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a new pair of jogging shorts.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven feeble excuses,
Ten bottles of cilit bang,
Nine squashed mosquitoes,
Eight steaks a-rotting,
Seven friends a-lying,
Six cops a-prying,
Five dirty nappies!
Four forensic manuals,
Three two naughty kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a plane ticket for an Easyjet flight.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve dodgy alibis,
Eleven feeble excuses,
Ten bottles of cilit bang,
Nine squashed mosquitoes,
Eight steaks a-rotting,
Seven friends a-lying,
Six cops a-prying,
Five dirty nappies!
Four forensic manuals,
Three two naughty kids,
Two sniffer dogs,
And a cheque for a million quid!